Life Matters

I am a computerholic

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I was around when computers were “invented,” or so it seems. Attending Warwick Veteran’s Memorial High School, I was one of the first students to take a new programming course. Using cards marked with one of two symbols, (binary code), I could astonishingly make a large programmed pack of cards go through the computer much like paper whips through a printer. At the end, the computer would go “beep” in response to my program asking it to do so. Not very impressive at the time, and seemingly limited in what I could make it do, but others were making great strides in programming the computer to do many more complicated tasks, right up until today where the capabilities of computers is unlimitedly unbelievable.

Although I can use it for complicated work, most of my time is spent “relaxing” on the computer. My “relaxing” begins as soon as I wake up and amble down to the den in my pink, fluffy, flannel pjs. Turning the computer on and waiting for it to warm up for the day, I carefully brew my cup of tea as a “wake me up”. That is where the computer begins its day; aligning with my special teacup to set the temperature of my tea to ensure it remains the same temperature for two hours. A clever person must have been the one to program it to do that! An even cleverer person has developed “apps” that lets me do everything on my phone!

Reading my e-mail and Facebook are priorities that are soon replaced by games. My brain is full of swirling thoughts to work out, so there is nothing better than to sit down and play mindless games. During the workday, I have to force myself to limit my playing time in order to get ready for work, although I admit there have been a few days that the time left for me to get ready is miniscule. Rushing, I brush my teeth, throw on my clothes, (which are sometimes backwards or inside out,) and rush out the door, using time stopped at red lights to comb my hair and put on lip-gloss. Weekends are a different story with time to play extended. Convinced that playing clears my mind so I can get on with the rest of the day, I often find myself sitting at the computer or playing on my phone for three hours or more. Three hours or more! The dishes sit in the sink, the dirty laundry is piled on the floor, the refrigerator remains empty, and the bed is unmade. Oh, no! Although my goal for playing the games is to relax, there is no proof that this actually happens. Most of the games are meant to be played casually, calmly and quietly. I, however, seem to play them with an obsessive vengeance, as though by going through the motions of playing, my whirling thoughts can flitter away. One game played is supposed to be Zen-like; soothing flute music calmly playing, idyllic flowers and waterfalls flowing in the background, the answers are supposed to be provided in a soft, somewhat magical, sweeping motion. My fingers, however, provide the answers in a hard, frantic sweep; so hard my fingernails scratch the screen! It is not relaxing at all. Oh, no, I am a computerholic!

Hubby accuses me of spending so much time on the games in order to fill the emptiness because our children have all reached adulthood. Used to driving them here and there, dressing them, guiding them, playing with them, laughing with them and loving them, the fact that they are individual young people leaves little room for my nurturing. Oh, no! I think he is right! It must be time to get a dog.

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