Life Matters

Emotionally devastating television shows

By LINDA PETERSEN
Posted 2/27/20

There are many silly reality shows on television, but there is one that seems to be cruel: “90 Day Fiancé.” I have watched a few episodes and, at first, enjoyed them. What could be …

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Life Matters

Emotionally devastating television shows

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There are many silly reality shows on television, but there is one that seems to be cruel: “90 Day Fiancé.” I have watched a few episodes and, at first, enjoyed them. What could be better than watching two people from different countries fall in love? It took a while to learn that I was merely a spectator to the emotional disaster that was bound to happen. Many of the relationships were doomed to fail from the start and producers have used the inevitable pain of others for our entertainment.

There were several couples who were truly in love and ended up having a successful marriage, often with children. However, there were also doomed pairings. Changing the names to protect the innocent, there were participants such as Dorothy, a sixty-four year old woman, very overweight, with platinum blonde hair, and a crooked smile highlighted by bright red lipstick. She has been video chatting with 24-year-old Abegunde from Malawi, Africa. Her face beamed with happiness as she asserted that the age difference does not matter because they are in love. He is a popular singer in his village, and his life goal is to become a famous singer in the United States. Meeting Dorothy was his first step. His friends teased him because she is so old, but he just smiled knowingly. She wanted to come visit him, and was finally able to get to Malawi. Anxious and nervous, she was left waiting at the airport for two hours. She started to panic and tears started to run down her cheeks, but they soon turned to tears of joy as she spotted him running towards her. They crashed together with a bear hug. (She gave him the bear hug; his was more of a beanpole hug.) They kissed, and Abegunde promptly rubbed the red lipstick off his face. Walking out of the airport hand in hand, she practically skipped as she joined him in the waiting taxi, for which he has no money to pay. Dorothy was delighted to pay the fare because she was so happy to finally be with him. During her visit, they spent almost all of their time in his small apartment. He couldn’t be embarrassed to be with her, could he? Unfortunately, she is just the first step to getting his green card to come to the United States so he can advance his musical career.

Katrina is a 28-year-old woman from Russia. She is "drop dead" gorgeous and arrives in New York after video chatting for two months with Tony, a 52-year-old mailman. He can't believe his good fortune. As soon as she arrived, he wanted to show his love by spoiling her. They spend the day shopping on Fifth Avenue. At the end of the day, they head to his apartment so weighted down with purchases that they can't carry another thing. When they arrived at his building, Katrina was aghast. Instead of a cheerful, uniformed bellman at the front door to carry their purchases upstairs, the foyer was empty and they have to lug their own packages. The apartment itself did not look anything like the New York City residences she has seen on television. There was no picturesque skyline to look at, only the dingy apartment building next door. The noise of the traffic outside was stifling, and the rooms were very tiny with dated furniture. Katrina was not impressed with the flowers Tony had purchased for her. She had expected a huge, beautiful flower arrangement instead of the small bunch of flowers in the vase on the kitchen table. And that kitchen table...where was the beautiful dining room with the glass chandelier? Oh, no, that apartment would never do. This relationship was supposed to allow her to move up in the world, not stay the same. Tony, deeply in love (and lust), vowed to give her everything she wanted, even if he had to go bankrupt to do so.

“90 Day Fiancé” is a real show about real people who are emotionally devastated. I felt like a distressed voyeur to their pain – not what I look for in entertainment. Where can I find a good sitcom?

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