Like no other grief I have felt

Posted 6/21/22

My mom had been suffering from COPD for years.  When Covid happened she really got scared.  She knew that it would be detrimental to her health if she was to contract it.  Because of …

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Like no other grief I have felt

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My mom had been suffering from COPD for years.  When Covid happened she really got scared.  She knew that it would be detrimental to her health if she was to contract it.  Because of that, she isolated herself from the world. 

For the last few years, she wouldn’t allow anyone in her home and didn’t go anywhere.  I grew up in Chicago and that is where she lived. Even family wasn’t allowed to visit. 

Early this month I got a call from the hospital.  She had been admitted and the prognosis wasn’t good.  My sister, brother-in-law and I left the next morning for the 20 hours ride to her house.  She still lived in the house that I grew up in. We arrived at the hospital in the early morning.  Luckily for us, she was still alive.  She passed away later that day. 

I was grateful that I was able to see her.  As soon as we arrived, she stopped struggling.  She knew we were there.  It was a very peaceful death.  I wasn’t prepared for what came next.  We spent the next week cleaning out her house.   We laughed and cried together.  My mom saved everything, so we spent hours looking through old cards and pictures we had sent her over the years. We spent time reminiscing about all the fun we had growing up in that house. 

 It felt sad knowing that soon the house would be sold.  I know that a new family will buy it and make their own memories. It was a big house so, I will have to go back to finish.  I’m a get it done kind of girl, so I was busy getting everything done. 

 After I got home, it hit me.  I would never hear her voice again.  I would never be able to pick up the phone to ask her about a recipe.  I would never be able to tell her my problems and struggles.  She was always there to listen and gave great advice.  I talked to her every day.  Every time my phone rings, my heart hurts, because I know it won’t be her. The empty feeling is at times, overwhelming. Losing my mom is like no other grief I have felt.  She was my connection to the world. I know that time heals everything but right now it doesn’t seem like that will happen…

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